I’ve got a new favorite song. It’s powerful and maybe it’s just me and where I find myself right now, but it can bring me to my knees almost every time I listen to it.
This song has been constantly on my mind these last few weeks. I’m struck by the idea of what so easily becomes magnified in my life. Sometimes it’s a small thing, you know? Like something I would need both worry and anxiety to magnify it and BAM! all of the sudden POOF there it is keeping me up at night, making me cry when I think of it, sucking my time and energy trying to figure it out.
These last few days I’ve got this magnified thing with me. It’s a problem. It involves one of my kids. It’s an abuse. It wasn’t handled right. I could flip my lid. I can’t figure out what to do with it. It’s absurd. It’s disturbing. It’s painful. I’d like to hide from it. It kept me awake last night.
Sunday morning I felt like God was saying to me, “Well then Bethany you don’t know me like I want you to know me. If you second guess and have to question my motives, who am I to you?”
WHO AM I TO YOU??
My prayer quickly became. “I want to know you. I don’t want to so quickly resort to me.” And then this song verse came to mind and I understood.
“God be greater than the worry in my life. Be stronger than the weakness in my mind. Be louder, let your glory come alive. Be magnified.”
I’m a capable person. I have a strong personality. Both are my God given traits, but if I’m not in submission to Him … They cause ME to be magnified. They cause me to rely on ME. They cause me to resort to ME.
Not to the One who created me and has never and will never disregard my cause. I want to resort to Him.
So last night, I’m awake.
- 11pm. Rehearsing in my head how I’m going to tell this guy off.
- 12am. I’m thinking up scenarios and what others might do in my situation.
- 1am. Finally praying, God I need to sleep, shut this off. Take it away.
This morning I pushed through my fears, nobody knew how badly I was struggling. I prayed with them, put them on the bus and only then do I hear my 6 year old singing
Oh how God uses my children. Oh how He is already building in them and activating their spiritual gifts and their obedience to Him is another whole post. For now, I’m just going to be teary and thankful that He gave them to me and that He’ll never disregard any of our causes.