By nature I’m a talker, energetic, excited- an extrovert. I love to talk, to problem solve, to help, to fix. I thrive because of relationships. Wanna talk deep, laugh loud, cry- I’m your girl.
Because of this I am often vulnerable, emotional, usually stretched too emotionally thin. I take on responsibility that isn’t mine, set myself up for disappointments. Most of the time it works out, other times it’s pretty painful.
This spring at a school of prayer by City Gate in Lancaster, I felt God asking me for my silence. Silence in my relationship with Him and more specifically in another relationship. He revealed to me a lot that weekend, but most notable for me was that my words could be a stumbling block to the work He wanted to do in my life and in that relationship.
I quickly realized that I wanted to submit to Him. Wanted to see what power my silence had because of my obedience to His plans and purposes. (Can I just say that is a new thing, wanting to submit? That is fruit from God’s work in my life. It wasn’t always that way and is a process I’m still working through.) I wanted to see what power my silence had because of my obedience to His plans and purposes
So I shut up. 🙂 And if you know me- you know its been hard work! In the relationship I mentioned- instead of saying all the things, I prayed all the things.
Have I seen huge changes? No.
Would I if I had continued my way? No.
Do I believe the Holy Spirit is greater than me? Obviously. I mean of course. Okay fine my track record doesn’t exactly show this. Alright alright I like to be in control. I get it.
I surrender this to You. And I will again tomorrow when I’m bound to pick it up again…
Personally in my relationship with Him, I can’t begin to tell you the changes I’ve experienced because of the submission of my silence. Silence is golden. Practically this happens, usually one afternoon a week, when my family is at school and work. I sit on the couch or my bed, phone on silent, laptop turned off, and music quiet. Then I proceed like a crazy lady, with a full brain to “x” the computer screens in my head that pop up.
Silence is golden.
God is so faithful to me when I sit here waiting on Him. Each time I sit I begin by rereading my journal entry from the day when He asked for my silence. And I have added to it multiple times since. I’ll share it with you here.
“My silence is my longing. My silence is surrender. My silence is preparation. My silence, You fill me. My silence, You reveal to me. My silence, You restore me. My silence, leads to less painful lessons. My silence means Your words. My silence means Your dreams. My silence makes space for Your instruction. My silence is obedience. My silence is humility. My silence is submission. My silence means You are speaking. My silence allows You to comfort me. My silence, You renew my mind. My silence means there is no obstacle to Your work. My silence is an invitation. My silence is an act of worship. My silence is meant to bring You glory. My silence is intentional. My silence is expectant.
My desire is to hear you. I want to understand your leading. I recognize there is power in my silence before you. Your power is revealed in my silence. Your indwelling happens because of my silence. I receive Your instruction.”
My silence is expectant. Do you know the beauty of being expectant on the Lord? I mean really just waiting for Him? That gives me such excitement and such apprehension. Apprehension because it’s out of my control and unexpected. Excitement because I don’t doubt His plans for me are good, because He gave His very life so I could live mine.
Psalm 62:5-8 “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”
May my submission and obedience to You, give me a life initiated by and received through You.