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| magnify |

04.23.2018 by Bethany // Leave a Comment

I’ve got a new favorite song. It’s powerful and maybe it’s just me and where I find myself right now, but it can bring me to my knees almost every time I listen to it.

This song has been constantly on my mind these last few weeks. I’m struck by the idea of what so easily becomes magnified in my life. Sometimes it’s a small thing, you know? Like something I would need both worry and anxiety to magnify it and BAM! all of the sudden POOF there it is keeping me up at night, making me cry when I think of it, sucking my time and energy trying to figure it out.

These last few days I’ve got this magnified thing with me. It’s a problem. It involves one of my kids. It’s an abuse. It wasn’t handled right. I could flip my lid. I can’t figure out what to do with it. It’s absurd. It’s disturbing. It’s painful. I’d like to hide from it. It kept me awake last night.

Sunday morning I felt like God was saying to me, “Well then Bethany you don’t know me like I want you to know me. If you second guess and have to question my motives, who am I to you?”

WHO AM I TO YOU??

My prayer quickly became. “I want to know you. I don’t want to so quickly resort to me.” And then this song verse came to mind and I understood.

“God be greater than the worry in my life. Be stronger than the weakness in my mind. Be louder, let your glory come alive. Be magnified.”

I’m a capable person. I have a strong personality. Both are my God given traits, but if I’m not in submission to Him … They cause ME to be magnified. They cause me to rely on ME. They cause me to resort to ME.

Not to the One who created me and has never and will never disregard my cause. I want to resort to Him.

So last night, I’m awake.

11pm. Rehearsing in my head how I’m going to tell this guy off.
12am. I’m thinking up scenarios and what others might do in my situation.
1am. Finally praying, God I need to sleep, shut this off. Take it away.

This morning I pushed through my fears, nobody knew how badly I was struggling. I prayed with them, put them on the bus and only then do I hear my 6 year old singing

“God be greater than the worry in my life. Be stronger than the weakness in my mind. Be louder, let your glory come alive. Be magnified.”
we are messengers

Oh how God uses my children. Oh how He is already building in them and activating their spiritual gifts and their obedience to Him is another whole post. For now, I’m just going to be teary and thankful that He gave them to me and that He’ll never disregard any of our causes.

| worth |

12.06.2017 by Bethany // Leave a Comment

“’Til He appeared and the soul felt it’s worth”

Every year when I’m decorating for Christmas at my home, I usually decorate with a chalkboard. I try to come up with a verse, chorus, or line from a Christmas carol or the Bible and display it for the season. Ever want to get a carol stuck in your head? Put it where you’ll see it every 5 minutes… 🙂

This year though, He was prepping me early. I’ve got the word LOVE just running through my head. When I say love I mean love in the sense of worth or value.

There is something to advent, to the preparation for Christmas Day. The month of December is filled with wonder for a lot of reasons. I’m anticipating it like never before as I’m learning about this thought of worth.”‘Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.”

I’m still reading through Beth Moore’s book, Audacious. One of the many great points she makes is that if I want to live a bold life doing what God has created me to do, I must first understand how much my Creator loves me.

I thought I could, but I can’t. I can’t begin to understand it.

Two major events in history show just how much my Creator loves me. And you. His ultimate sacrifice, His death on the cross, the salvation for my sins. But before that, before He healed the sick, walked with the disciples, before He sat in the temple courts, before His birth in the stable. I’m talking about the time that GOD decided He loved His creations so much and we were so worth it, that He left heaven and appeared as a baby so our soul’s could know their worth. Can you grasp that?

He who was and is God. Had no reason other than His unbelieveable, unfathomable love for me came as the weakest. God was God as a baby birthed by Mary. He was God when He fell learning to walk. He was God when He performed miracles. And He was God when He was crucified.

Why? To show my soul’s it’s worth. To demonstrate how much He values me. How much He thinks I’m worth it.

It kinda feels like the ball is in my court. Know what I mean? Like what do I do with that? What am I doing?!? Am I living like I know my worth? Or am I timid and full of doubt. Am I living a bold life, one that brings Him glory. Or do I fear rejection and live to please myself and others. Does my life show His sacrifice at both birth and death were worth it? ((ahhh why are there so many questions in life!?!)

Does my life show His sacrifice at both His birth and His death were worth it?

Before I start my crazy, before I start to write a checklist and do all the things…. He reminds me.

Do I understand that no matter how great I am, how much I live for Christ or how badly I mess up or disappoint that His grace and mercy mean that he would do it again? He would come again and die again. That I can’t earn his love. Nor can I ever lose his love. Because He is love, God is love.

On Sunday, I heard this statement that God didn’t become a Christian when Christ was born… umm yeah. No duh. But don’t I sometimes act that way? Like it all changed when Jesus came, no not really. One thing didn’t change. God didn’t. God was all the things He is now before Christ’s birth and in the Old Testament and at the beginning of time, it’s just the gift I received because of His birth.

The gift of revelation.

The gift of understanding.

The gift of feeling my soul’s worth.

| golden |

11.29.2017 by Bethany // Leave a Comment

By nature I’m a talker, energetic, excited- an extrovert. I love to talk, to problem solve, to help, to fix. I thrive because of relationships. Wanna talk deep, laugh loud, cry- I’m your girl.

Because of this I am often vulnerable, emotional, usually stretched too emotionally thin. I take on responsibility that isn’t mine, set myself up for disappointments. Most of the time it works out, other times it’s pretty painful.

This spring at a school of prayer by City Gate in Lancaster, I felt God asking me for my silence. Silence in my relationship with Him and more specifically in another relationship. He revealed to me a lot that weekend, but most notable for me was that my words could be a stumbling block to the work He wanted to do in my life and in that relationship.

I quickly realized that I wanted to submit to Him. Wanted to see what power my silence had because of my obedience to His plans and purposes. (Can I just say that is a new thing, wanting to submit? That is fruit from God’s work in my life. It wasn’t always that way and is a process I’m still working through.) I wanted to see what power my silence had because of my obedience to His plans and purposes

So I shut up. 🙂 And if you know me- you know its been hard work! In the relationship I mentioned- instead of saying all the things, I prayed all the things.

Have I seen huge changes? No.

Would I if I had continued my way? No.

Do I believe the Holy Spirit is greater than me? Obviously. I mean of course. Okay fine my track record doesn’t exactly show this. Alright alright I like to be in control. I get it.

I surrender this to You. And I will again tomorrow when I’m bound to pick it up again…

Personally in my relationship with Him, I can’t begin to tell you the changes I’ve experienced because of the submission of my silence. Silence is golden. Practically this happens, usually one afternoon a week, when my family is at school and work. I sit on the couch or my bed, phone on silent, laptop turned off, and music quiet. Then I proceed like a crazy lady, with a full brain to “x” the computer screens in my head that pop up.

Silence is golden.

God is so faithful to me when I sit here waiting on Him. Each time I sit I begin by rereading my journal entry from the day when He asked for my silence. And I have added to it multiple times since. I’ll share it with you here.

“My silence is my longing. My silence is surrender. My silence is preparation. My silence, You fill me. My silence, You reveal to me. My silence, You restore me. My silence, leads to less painful lessons. My silence means Your words. My silence means Your dreams. My silence makes space for Your instruction. My silence is obedience. My silence is humility. My silence is submission. My silence means You are speaking. My silence allows You to comfort me. My silence, You renew my mind. My silence means there is no obstacle to Your work. My silence is an invitation. My silence is an act of worship. My silence is meant to bring You glory. My silence is intentional. My silence is expectant.

My desire is to hear you. I want to understand your leading. I recognize there is power in my silence before you. Your power is revealed in my silence. Your indwelling happens because of my silence. I receive Your instruction.”

My silence is expectant. Do you know the beauty of being expectant on the Lord? I mean really just waiting for Him? That gives me such excitement and such apprehension. Apprehension because it’s out of my control and unexpected. Excitement because I don’t doubt His plans for me are good, because He gave His very life so I could live mine.

Psalm 62:5-8 “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress, I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.”

May my submission and obedience to You, give me a life initiated by and received through You.