There have been days in the past when I wished I had a t-shirt that said “Today is not the day. And I am not the one.”
And then I would wish that I had the guts to wear it…
If I’m really honest, I’ve had strings of days like that, maybe because of a tough conversation, a frustrating day with the kids, or when I’ve felt stretched thin from too much going on in our lives.
What I didn’t realize until recently is those feelings, feelings of anger in the form of resentment, the desire to isolate and “check out” from responsibilities, and the feeling of wanting to throw my hands up in the air in resignation are all rumble strips or warning signs of misalignment in my faith and life. Just like the apostle Peter sinking when he took his eyes off of Jesus, these rumble strips have begun to help me recognize when I assuming control and beginning to do life on my own strength. And inevitably, most every time and like many times before my own strength and control fail me.
Fail me because my self imposed high standards can’t be met. Fail me because even when I am not searching for imperfections, my mistakes assault me. Fail me because when I’m out of alignment with Christ, my inner critic is louder than all the other voices, especially the voice that actually guides, heals, and satisfies, the Holy Spirit’s.
And this is the place I found myself when I opened an email letting me know what I had provided wasn’t what they were looking for. And to please try again.
And I was like boxing gloves on, hold my hoops… come again?!?[Read more…]