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| glory |

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Pruning.  If you read in John 15 you’ll see.  You must be bearing fruit in order to be pruned.  Otherwise you are like a branch cut off.  

Pruning towards growth.

Pruning for extension.  

Pruning not because you did something wrong but because you are doing something right.  

Been feeling like the branch of my life that is E-town Mennonite has been slowly shriveling up.  The last 2 years just slowly fading, less and less fruit.  What I felt like must be some failure on my part to keep fruit growing, the Lord has generously allowed me to slowly come to terms with the fact that my connection there has changed.  It’s felt like a death and I’ve mourned it.  

Deeply.  

And then I began to make it an idol.  Maybe more like an ideal.  Here is how this branch should look and if it could look like that then it’s worthy of fruit.  If I could just adapt, push through, look past stuff I could help it bear fruit once again.  

Full stop.  I could help it bear fruit?  For real Bethany?  Oh so you’re God now?  <insert long long eye roll at myself>

Tyranny of the ideal.  I heard this on a Wednesday night and I have no idea the background of what the speaker meant for this, but it rocked me to my core.  My core. 

A deep part of me that had begun to worship this ideal.  Spend my time consumed by why this branch wasn’t bearing fruit.  What I should do about this?  My fear at making the wrong decision concerning the branch.  My all or nothing attitude taking over my decisions.  My frustration and discouragement at the situations.  It was a tyrant in my life.  Consuming.  Bringing about doubt and along with that worry and anxiety.  Fear of being misunderstood.  Always, always this fear, the fear of misunderstanding.  Sob. 

What others will say.  What others will think of me, of my family, but yet not enough to motivate me to go back.  To participate in the ways of old.  

Isn’t that just like a paradox? Ideals that are positive.  Things that I know are not of God, things I know the Holy Spirit has called me to not participate in.   So on one hand my ideals were helping me take a stand for what God was calling me to, but had also become a tyrant because I so wanted that branch to continue bearing fruit.  And if I did this.  Or this happened.  Or or or. 

Until that Wednesday night when I felt God say “How long Bethany?  How many times?  How much longer will we go around and around about this?”  And it was like at that question from God, I threw up my white flag.  I told him “I’m done.  I won’t question you again over this.  I know you’ve spoke.  I know what you’ve said.  Forgive me.  Thank you for your patience and mercy towards me.”  

And in that moment I felt the gentle pruning.  

The gentle cut.  

The loss of the branch that was no longer bearing fruit in my life.  

How merciful of Him to allow me to participate in that pruning? 

I recognized that night that I have been in mourning.  Grieving the dying branch.  Wishing, dreaming, recalling past times of good, bringing up precious memories, building up ideals couldn’t bear that fruit.  The gardener who knows me so well, better than anyone has a plan, shape, design for these branches.  

Every time that week from Wednesday – Sunday it was like every time I wanted to second guess, question, you know give God another idea of what we could try, He shut it down.  Reminded me of my commitment on Wednesday night. 

By Sunday I was feeling pretty raw and like an open wound.  We attended the 10 year celebration of life of a friend who passed away.  For me it was like God was parading His goodness, His deliverance, His power, His might all over the place.  It was like one big FLEX.  And it was humbling.  And invigorating.  It was like He was saying “I’ve taken this offering, this obedience of the highest call, and I’m multiplying it.”  Watch me.  Watch what I can do when I am your ideal.  

The kicker is as if what God had done after Joel’s death wasn’t enough, it was something during a speech he made years before that spoke to me.  What I took from it was that when we are submitted to and living a life with and for God, following Him from one thing to the next as HE calls us it is like going from glory to glory.  

Glory to Glory?

Um yeah.  I’m pretty sure this isn’t what God thought of glory when He called me to follow.  I immediately felt convicted of my miserable drudgery, dragging my feet, giving God ideas of how to do this better.  Why did I make this so hard?  What about this meant it couldn’t be good?  Why is my scorecard the one that determines whether this can be glorious or not.  

Good Lord! This can be glory to glory.  

And with that pivot in my thinking I just was so grateful I knew what the next glory was.  I knew. HE had been showing me for weeks where His Spirit was.  Where HE was showing up for me.  I knew what the next glory was.  

E-town Mennonite was glory.  I could remember it as glory, even if all of it and how I left wasn’t very glorious feeling.  And I could look forward to the next step as glory, because well He was calling me to it and that in itself is glorious.  

Fast forward just 5 short days.  I attended a women’s conference at Life Center.  And the LORD. MET. ME. AGAIN.  The conference was all about gardening and just know that there is a lot of metaphor, allegory, and deep thinking you can do with that.  

Did you know that when a tree or bush is pruned – here wait I’ll just give you the internet description I found.   “Generally, the more severe the pruning (greater size or number of limbs removed), the greater the resulting regrowth. In essence, the plant is regrowing in an attempt to restore a balance between the top and the root system.  Pruning generally stimulates regrowth near the cut. Vigorous shoot growth will usually occur within 6 to 8 inches of the pruning cut. This is particularly true for vertical limbs that have been pruned” https://extension.uga.edu/publications/detail.html

I read.  

The rest of the plant will regrow in an attempt of restoration.  Hmm. 

Restoring the balance between top and bottom.  Ok.

Restoring in an effort to prepare for new growth.  To reestablish the core from the roots to the branches.  For what?  More fruit?  Oh God, you are good.  


So the place that was pruned is where restoration is directed.  And it’s because of the pruning that the core is rebalanced to establish strength from top to bottom.  And at the place of the pruning you can expect the new growth?  The new life?

Wait from the place you just cut off?  Really God.  YOU took this from me.  You’ve asked me to give up E-town Mennonite, you’ve required that from me.  Man, I was mad at God. I’m going to have to put up with people’s opinions because you’ve cut this off.  There is going to be questions and explanations and ….  

<GOD flagging me down> Glory to glory, right Bethany?  I’m here at the site of the pruning Bethany.  I’m in the small buds of life right here on this branch.  

Can you trust me?  Can you trust that this can be about more than a loss?   Can this be an extension, a continuation?  

A Glory to Glory.  

Just wait until you hear about these pots of promise.  

| provider |

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Last fall, right before my open house I shared a post with you guys about how each year I do something more to prepare for the holiday season.  Each year I try to be better prepared, try to make it easier on Scotty, on my family, on me, on my emotions, on my body.  You know the saying, “work smarter not harder”.  

Except in fact by trying to work smarter, I am expecting more of myself. I began expecting this tip top shape, perfection that is unattainable. I am so disappointed when it still ends up being hard.  

This year the night before the holiday open house, after setting it all up, I told Scotty, “I am still so tired.  I did all I could think of to prepare in advance and I still hurt all over and it still took so long .”  

Dumbfounded, he looks at me and said. “You ever think that maybe it’s just plain hard Bethany?!? That maybe this is as easy as it’s going to get.  Maybe you did all you could and it turns out it is just a lot of work.  Look around you and see what you’ve accomplished.”  

Me- “Ok. Alright then. I mean fine.  Ok yeah, I get that.  UGH, you’re right.” 

Scotty – “Bethany.  You are doing enough.”  

You ever find yourself here?  Disappointed by how hard it still is.  After all this work, all this learning, all these lessons.  

What am I supposed to do then?  Like just let it be hard? Sit down?  

FYI -We’re not still just talking about setting up Christmas decor at the shop. LOL.   

What are we supposed to do when we’ve exhausted our options? Pray for a rescue from the hard times? Pray to have those hard times taken away?  

Pray remove me from this.  Protect me from this.  I didn’t expect that and I don’t know what to do with it.  Take it away.  

Have I prayed all these prayers? You betcha baby. 

Do I believe that God is our rescuer?  HE IS OUR GREATEST RESCUER!  He is OUR SALVATION.  

Is God also our provider?  Our Jehovah Jireh?  Does He have a surefire plan, knowing what we need and when we’ll need it?  Is he all knowing, loving, and supreme?  

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. 

So what happens when we begin to trust God as our PROVIDER when we are in the heat of hard times, and not only as our RESCUER?  

I’ll tell you what happens. A shift in our perspective. An opportunity to grow. A pivot.

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| pew potato |

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I once heard this phrase and it was only after I stopped being one that I realized I had spent most of my life as one.  You know couch potato, pew potato.  Slide in the back, get the fill up, or do the motions, slide on back out and head right back to that Monday-Saturday grind.  

The only value I think that I could find in being a pew potato is the ignorance of surface living and living without a reason to take a stand.  

I pretty much stopped being a pew potato about 7 years ago, when God showed me how much I owed him.  How much he deserves my participation, my worship, and my life’s testimony.  Over these last few years since shedding that armor of ignorance and spiritual apathy- I have encountered and struggled through some real things that I know have come as a result of my choice to be vulnerable.  It’s sometimes feels like the vulnerability is a red and white target circle on my back.  

This past weekend we shared during the morning service about our marriage.  It was such an awesome opportunity to speak together.  I love preparing for times like that, especially if I get to do it with Scotty.  It’s those times that I realize how much I love to be in love with him.  This time was different, because part of what we felt led to share was more Scotty’s story than mine.  More his vulnerability than mine.  I can’t tell you how passionate that makes me, how fired up it makes me to see him share and give something of himself.  It’s a real gift when he does that.  

And I knew well enough from the past that the hours and days after sharing might mean doing a little extra battle based on our vulnerabilities.  

This week was no different.  So much got thrown our way that felt devastating.  Devastating to our home, to my business, to our relationship, and to our kids.  There was so much potential to see these darts and arrows headed towards our precious targets as devastating that we almost caved.  

Almost.  

And there it is the pivot.  

This time I remembered the hell week after sharing my testimony.  The hell week after creating new boundaries. The hell week after deciding to homeschool.  The hell WEEKS after turning in my resignation at church.  

I remembered.  We remembered.  And we chose perspective.  We chose to wait and make space.  We chose each other.  

This week I have had this extremely uncomfortable sense of dependency and in some ways despondency.  

I don’t like it.  It’s not natural for me.  I am independent. I have a plan.  I know the next step.  Except this time, this week it seemed like the next step was like a lily pad floating just ever so out of my reach, a little hard to see through the pond fog, and I didn’t feel any pressure to leap to it.  

It was almost like God was saying just stop a second will you.  Don’t hurry to it.  Don’t rush to that next step.  I like you right here needing me, needing Scotty in a different way.  You are safe here.  

So tonight I am writing this in an uncomfortable place, but not an unsafe place.  An unknown feeling, but not an out of control feeling.  

I read Matthew 5:45 today not for the first time, but the first with a new perspective.  This perspective of an unhurried, unfazed, unworried God.  A sovereign Maker.  

“that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.”

My realization came like this- The good don’t deserve the sun more than the evil in Gods eyes.  He causes it to rise on us all, good or evil.  Just like the rain isn’t saved for the unrighteous and a magic umbrella appears for those who consider themselves righteous.  

All created by Him.  All under His control.  All within in His scope.  All part of a plan.  

I find much security in that while also recognizing I have grossly miscalculated what I think I deserve. 🥴

And worse and more painful to admit- what I think some don’t deserve.  

Did I think because I was doing what He called me to do I might need a higher SPF?  Like it’s sunnier where I am? 

Did I expect that He’d pull out the umbrella for me because I am obedient to His call? 

A perspective pivot that brings on repentance is the kind of rain you dance in.  The kind of sun that burns a little, but gives you a healthy glow.  Painful and embarrassing, yet contagious and motivating.  

Here for all of it.