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| knees |

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There have been days in the past when I wished I had a t-shirt that said “Today is not the day.  And I am not the one.” 

And then I would wish that I had the guts to wear it… 

If I’m really honest, I’ve had strings of days like that, maybe because of a tough conversation, a frustrating day with the kids, or when I’ve felt stretched thin from too much going on in our lives.  

What I didn’t realize until recently is those feelings, feelings of anger in the form of resentment, the desire to isolate and “check out” from responsibilities, and the feeling of wanting to throw my hands up in the air in resignation are all rumble strips or warning signs of misalignment in my faith and life.  Just like the apostle Peter sinking when he took his eyes off of Jesus, these rumble strips have begun to help me recognize when I assuming control and beginning to do life on my own strength.  And inevitably, most every time and like many times before my own strength and control fail me. 

Fail me because my self imposed high standards can’t be met.  Fail me because even when I am not searching for imperfections, my mistakes assault me.  Fail me because when I’m out of alignment with Christ, my inner critic is louder than all the other voices, especially the voice that actually guides, heals, and satisfies, the Holy Spirit’s.  

And this is the place I found myself when I opened an email letting me know what I had provided wasn’t what they were looking for.  And to please try again. 

And I was like boxing gloves on, hold my hoops… come again?!?  

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| destination |

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I’m beginning to recognize as I mature, as I learn to listen, as I challenge myself to take time to seek and dig deep, the bible stories I grew up hearing and being told; come at me, come to life, and come apart in ways only the Bible, the LIVING and ACTIVE Word of God, could.  

In the gospels, Matthew, Mark, and John, there is the account of Jesus walking on the water.  I will summarize it here but it’s always better for me to crack open my Bible and read it for myself.  The 3 disciples accounts can be found in Matthew 14:22-32, Mark 6:45-52, John 6:16-21.  

This event happens the night Jesus feeds the five thousand from 2 fish and 5 loaves.  Jesus sends the disciples out in the boat to make their way to the next place and goes by himself on the mountainside to pray.  As He finishes up His prayers, He sees the boat on the sea in the midst of a storm, the wind is wild and the disciples are struggling.  He goes to them, walking on the water.  The disciples are terrified, think He’s a ghost and call out in fear.  He says it’s me don’t worry.  And Peter says if it’s really you call to me so I can walk to meet you.  So Peter walks to Jesus, looks away, starts to sink, Jesus gets in the boat and the storm is calm and they are at the shore.  

As a kid, Jesus walking on water and Peter doing it too was an amazing story for me to hear.  So engaging and it was a story that encouraged me to trust in Jesus, to not fear Him or His miracles.  Even as a teen and young adult I could always relate to Peter’s fiery attitude, and pain that his faith and his lack faith caused him.  

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| pivot |

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Picture this.  Walking fast, with purpose, heels clicking, boots stomping, arms swinging, confident this is the way until, wham! Smack dab into a glass door.   Surprised, head hurting I wonder “Where’d that come from?”

Or maybe this.  Walking fast, with purpose, heels clicking, boots stomping, arms swinging, confident there is no other way, but I begin bracing myself just in case the door of glass I suspect might still be there, wham!  Seriously?? I thought this approach might make a difference this time or at least crack that glass and force a break through.  

Or maybe this.  Slow and sluggish steps.  Dragging feet, head down, I’ve been down this road before, and I know what’s coming, I just can’t figure out why it’s still there.  This time though, this time I just surrender.  I just crawl up and stop at it, this time I look through the glass door.  I wonder maybe it’s not through that I’m supposed to go.  Maybe this time I should try turning my head a bit to the left or maybe right.  

And there it is.  A slight turn, an altered posture, a submission, compromise, whatever I might want to call it but as I turn my body, my mind, my attitude, my heart in a new direction.  

There it is.  

A pivot.  

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